living vicariously

Changes...

I took about a year off from blogging. I don't regret that. So many things in life have changed now. I don't live in LA anymore. I'm not traveling quite as much as I used to.

I've moved to the east coast now.

I always said that life is too short for one hair color... So now I'm saying that it's too short to live in one state for very long. I'm enjoying the challenges that come along with the new territory.

Southern people are funny. Different. Instead of blogging about the insanity of LA, I'll mention some fun things that I'm a witness to in this lifestyle. Less fancy parties, more crazy people.

And, of course, when I travel I'll give my opinion on the people I come across out there also.

It's good to be back.

student life?....not exactly

I've officially started my classes at the University of Phoenix. With my schedule it would be impossible to attend actual classes every week, so I decided to get my degree online. Before I checked into it I always thought that online classes sounded silly. Maybe like the easy way out, or like buying a knockoff handbag cause you can't get the real thing. I could understand that if the situation is correct, but when it comes to education I didn't want to cut corners.  I'm actually impressed with the system they have come up with for students like myself. It's more interactive than I had imagined, and the work won't be simple.  I obviously make it a point to accomplish the things I set out to do, so within the next 2 years I'll have my degree in psychology.

But I won't be slowing down a bit between now and then. My schedule is really hectic sometimes and I'm adjusting to it fairly well. Sometimes it's all a blur and I have to remind myself to appreciate the details. I spend my time with amazing people, in beautiful locations, and I'm sure someday I'll look back and wonder how I got there. 

Today was the last day to pay taxes. Guess the envelope needs to be postmarked by today or you pay penalties. I'm wondering why they don't have official drop off sites for tax payments. I would have been more likely to pay on time if I could have dropped the check off while out running errands. Maybe that's a little far fetched, but I can't remember the last time I walked into an actual post office. I drive right by and never think to stop in. I actually have a p.o. box in California, but I've only actually been there a couple times. And not recently. 

My brother and his wife are adopting a baby boy from Vietnam. Every time I think of it I get excited. I can't wait for him to get here. Almost 2 weeks ago Josh and Jessie ran in the St. Louis marathon to raise money for their adoption. They had sponsors, and actually raised quite a bit of money. But the adoption process is more expensive than people realize. I also don't think people know that donations to families who are trying to adopt are tax deductible. (so if anybody is looking for a good cause to donate to, I know a sweet couple in Missouri who need help.. ) ...just thought I'd throw that out there.... ;)

They've kind of inspired me to want to run in a marathon. I'm not sure when I would have time to train, but I get these ideas in my head and it bothers me not to follow through. There are a few east coast marathons towards the end of June/ beginning of July that I've been thinking about....

blogging motivation

I took a little blogging vacation. Sometimes I like to take a step back and be silent for a bit. But I'm back now. 

I've managed to slow down for a few days. I guess in my world it's like slowing down, but by normal standards it's still quite insane. I ended up back over in St. Barths for a week or so, and now I'm back in the U.S. I'm running back and forth between Vegas and LA right now. Seems like I always have somewhere to be, but never in the same city. Right now there's a big poker tournament going on in Vegas at the Bellagio. Today is the ladies event, but I'm notorious for busting out of those quite early, so this time I'll spare myself the pain. The Venetian has a nice nightly tournament so I may go over there later. It's a deep stack tournament. I guess if you're not into poker that doesn't mean much, but for the rest of us it just means that it's a nice structure and you start with more chips.

I'm taking some online classes right now, so that's just one more thing to add to my full schedule. I read an article this morning about blogging in Business Week. Very interesting. It's such a nice tool, and I like the conversations we can have with complete strangers who have similar interests. I don't put a lot of valuable information in my blog, but I try to record my thoughts now and then, for what it's worth. I do get quite a few emails from people telling me what they think. And I get some emails that make me wonder how people have so much free time on their hands. But I do enjoy the feedback. Guess it kind of motivates me to keep my blog going. Knowing that some people actually read it. 

I guess for people who want to take it to the next level it can be a lucrative hobby.  I have a friend who writes a very popular blog and he gets a lot of feedback. Some positive, and some not so nice. He really puts himself out there with opinions on politics, current affairs, and personal issues. I think people really like that. Personally I have a hard time voicing my opinion so openly knowing that the information is permanently out there for complete strangers to read, but maybe that's the appeal of the whole thing. Knowing that we can communicate with people who would otherwise never enter our lives. Like one big coffee shop, and everyone is hovering over their laptops. And once in a while you peek at your neighbors screen and go where he goes to see what he's seeing. It opens our minds to things we normally would have no interest in. I don't see anything bad about that.

 

venting

I spend a lot of my time in airports. I would say that on average I take 5 or 6 trips per month, some in the country, some out... And not very many things irritate me. I'm happy to abide by the rules, wait in the lines, deal with the people, sit in the uncomfortable chairs, eat the bad food... But there is one thing that I don't understand. I can't figure it out.  What's the deal with the zip-lock bag rule?... You can take products (toothpaste, moisturizer, lip gloss) in your carry-on bag as long as it's within the 3oz size limit. But they also make you put it into a separate zip-lock bag before they'll let you through. Once through security nothing is stopping you from taking it all out of the bag and putting it right back into your handbag freestyle.  My favorite lip gloss, moisturizer, and two other products were both confiscated while flying last week. I didn't have time to argue with the guy about it, so I let him throw it all away.

It's not even a big deal. I know they have a lot of goofy little rules for reasons we may never know.. But this one is beyond me. And I don't want them t keep throwing my stuff away...

The rest of the airport crap doesn't bother me. Sometimes the people are a little crazy. This morning I was at the Las Vegas airport at an ungodly hour - before sunrise... And the security line had around 150 people in front of me. No coffee. Little sleep.... And even still, nothing really bugs me. Except for the lady behind me who repeatedly sang "viva las vegas" over and over and over and over for the entire time we were in line. And those were the only words to the song that she knew. She was a happy lady. And by happy lady I mean that she was annoying and in my personal space with her stupid song.  And I had completely forgotten to charge my ipod. 

Ok, I'll stop complaining now. I normally wouldn't complain about such mundane things, but the whole airport thing is starting to get to me. It's like if you had to walk into a courthouse ever day. I'm starting to see why my attorney has his attitude. Not a bad attitude (just in case if you're reading this...) but kind of a notimeforcrap attitude. I'd try it for myself, but I can't pull it off so well. 

work & poker...

I'm finally back in the midwest. Seems like lately I've been all over the place. I spent a little time in Los Angeles, then I had to stop into Vegas for a few days. I didn't accomplish a whole lot, but I did go on a fantastic hike/kayaking trip for a day. I think there were about 8 of us + the guide. We hiked about 3 miles through a canyon, then kayaked 8 miles down the Colorado River. I loved it. The weather couldn't have been any better. People think that I spend my time in Vegas like everyone else.. partying, drinking, blowing money... But my trips are really tame. I relax, find things to do outdoors, play a little poker here and there, enjoy some of my favorite restaurants....  But it's great to come back to where my family is at. I miss them. I have to get back to LA by Tuesday. Am thinking about playing in a poker tournament in San Jose before then also. My days go by too quickly...

I think I'll start playing more tournaments now. I took a little break for a while from the circuit, but I have one of the best players now offering to guide my game a little bit. Sometimes we get in a rut and make the same mistakes with the game over and over, and it just takes a little guidance to seriously improve. Hopefully my cash rate in the tournaments will increase after working with this amazing player. He has a great record, and not many people have had the chance to work with him. I'm such a lucky girl to have such amazing people around me.

My schedule in March is filling up quickly, so hopefully in April I'll start spending more time in the poker rooms. Looks like I'll be in the warmer climates for the rest of this month. I can't complain. Again, not sure what I've done to fall into such great opportunities. I must have done something right...

chocolate cake, and nice people....

I've spent the last week in LA. It's good to be home. Seems like I don't really know where home is lately, though. I spend so much time traveling now that I rarely sleep in my own bed. Even in LA I'm on the move continuously. Traffic, meetings, dinners, more traffic. I can't complain too much though. I think I'm starting to figure it out. Once in a while the timing is off, but if you try to leave the city after 3:00 you can plan on sitting in the I-10parking lot for a couple hours. But this morning I drove to the airport at 5:45 and it would be considered heavy traffic in any city except LA. I made it to LAX just in time to have some coffee, grab a magazine, and get situated between a sweet Asian man and a wonderful Utah woman. At least the conversation was good, even if it was too early to function correctly.

I'm extremely sore right now. I've changed my workout back to the Santa Monica stairs again for my time in LA. I love the stairs. About 120 cement stairs full of LA's finest fitness junkies. A few strange characters, and some really really slow people who kick out behind them after every stair trying to give the person behind them a dent in their head... But for the most part everyone abides by the rules... I can't get enough of the fresh air, ocean view from the top, and extremely efficient cardio. But sitting on a plane for hours with really sore muscles is torture.

Right now I'm connecting in Salt Lake City. Sitting in a restaurant in the airport catching up on emails, phone calls, and having a chicken caesar salad. My waiter is sweet. Smitten, but sweet. The kind of waiter that gives special attention. He's slowly asking me questions about myself, which is kinda cute in a way. Guess it probably makes his day go by a little more quickly. I don't mind. A lot of people ask me if I get a lot of people bothering me, but I don't look at it like that. I like to be friendly with everyone. I like to chat, and enjoy life as it goes by so quickly. But sometimes I also find myself needing to put a thick wall up around myself. This is such a terrible world in some ways. It scares me a little. Just reading the yahoo home page gives me this urgency to look over my shoulder. Like I'm not safe anywhere, even if I'm protective.  But for the time being, I don't mind the waiter. He kinda brightened my day with his brutal honesty. 

I get to have dinner with my brother tonight. I can hardly wait. I miss him so much. It's been a long time since I've gotten to spend some one on one time with him. We're so much alike, yet completely opposite. Sometimes I feel like we can live vicariously through the other. Best of both worlds. Guess if you knew both of us you'd understand what I mean.... Tonight we're celebrating his birthday. Over a month late. That happens when you have a schedule like mine. But as long as chocolate cake is involved I think he'll forgive me.

As of now it looks like I have to go to my gate. My lunch bill is mysteriously taken care of, free of charge. I never know how to react to that. It's not something you get used to, people being nice even though they don't know me. I'm a nice person, so I know that if they did know me they would still like me...so I guess I don't feel so bad about it. There's too much bad in this world. I feel the need to make it a little bit better, even if it's one person at a time. My waiter just made me feel good inside from afar, so I guess he did his part today also. Even if the yahoo home page scares me, sometimes random kindness makes up for it just a little bit.

I love...

...sunshine, chocolate, puppies, wine, the sound of laughter, happy healthy children, my family...

I love surprises, junk food, good music, ambiance, the ocean, long walks, good company, and knowing someone is listening to my heart when i talk...

I don't love long lines, short dinners, bad hair days, empty gas tanks, or onions...

I want to love old movies, music I haven't heard yet, drinking more water, and a dog of my own...

Happy Valentines Day!..

I'm not a big fan of Valentines Day. I can understand why some people love it, and others hate the thought of it. Personally, I think my world would continue along just the same without it, so I'm impartial completely. I don't really talk about my personal dating life on my blog because there are some really odd people who try to keep up with the details of my life... So, all I'm gonna say is that I had a great day. That's it. I'm not sad, or heartbroken, or wondering about love... I'm content. I'm happy with how everything is going in my life at this point. I surround myself with only the best people - so it would be impossible for me to be unhappy.

Love is a funny thing. It's so painful sometimes, and so necessary... It's an ability. Some people aren't capable of it. Others won't allow themselves to embrace it. I love love. I'm one of those. I love the feeling of it, but still have a difficult time understanding it fully. I almost hope the day never comes where I understand it. That would mean that I would stop trying to figure it out, stop trying to bend and shape that emotion. Part of the joy of life is the manipulation of our hearts. Our relationships with people who we deem necessary to our happiness. People who's happiness is essential to our own.

I hate to dedicate all of my thoughts today to this 'holiday' that I don't completely agree with. There are more important things going on right now that I could chat about. But it seems like everywhere I look I'm reminded that it's a big deal to a lot of people. A constant question for the day. And tomorrow. I guarantee that tomorrow I'll have 27 text messages and 9 phone calls from people asking how my day was. Why don't those people check in on me all of the other days of the year? Maybe call me on a Wednesday in September and ask if anyone sent me flowers. And if the answer was yes then we'd actually have something worth talking about....

So tonight I'm watching a movie alone. It doesn't mean that I'm alone. Or that I'm lonely. I'm simply relaxing by myself, enjoying the moment. I've been extremely busy lately - an insane schedule - and it's great to have some time to be still. I'm still surrounding myself with people who I care about, who care about me. I feel loved. I feel love.

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived, are the moments when you have done things in a spirit of love.

Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. Love is the creator of our favorite memories and the foundation of our wildest dreams. Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all - one known only by those who love.
               

traffic & poker

I'm back home after my 5 week trip. I ended up in Monaco for 3 weeks, Barbados for 1 week, and St. Barth's for 1 week. My journey home was miserable. Not only did I not want to leave the beautiful setting and lovely people, but somehow my flight schedule got confused and it took me 2 whole days to get to my final destination. I can't say it was completely bad. A few good things happened along the way, but by the time it was over I was completely exhausted.

Now I'm in LA. I sometimes forget just how bad the traffic situation really is here. When people tell you how bad it is, you can multiply that by 10, and that's how bad it really is. It can't be put into words. The shortcuts are all packed, and every main road is a parking lot. Absolutely impossible to get anywhere on time. It does, however, give me the time to catch up with my phone calls to the family. If it weren't for LA traffic I'm not sure that I would actually speak on the phone at all.   

Being out of town for so long has put me behind on seeing all of my friends. I'm trying to make time for everyone, but I'm running out of lunches. And dinners. I have a few business deals I'm working on right now so that adds to the pressure. It's bad enough to worry about the meetings, but here you also have to worry about making it anywhere on time. When I first moved here I thought everyone in this city was flaky. Never on time. Showing up fashionably late. Now I understand that it's part of the deal. Never make plans between 5 and 7, unless if you don't actually have to drive to get there. 

The LA Poker Classic is going on right now. I've been playing in this event for the past 3 years now.  I'm really excited about this event. Even though it may sound funny to the people in the poker world, I find it to be one of my favorite events. I have so many good memories from the LA Classic. It's like being home. They have preliminary events every day, and the main event is coming up in a week or so. This week I have 2 events to play. Tuesday I'll play the no limit event, and Thursday I'll play the re-buy tag team event. Just walking through the lobby is difficult with all of the familiar faces passing by. Sometimes I think I know everyone in the building....

the world

I'm waiting for my taxi now. Just made the trip by boat from St. Barths over to St. Maarten. My flight leaves in a couple hours. Looks like I have to connect in Miami, which is a very bad thing. The line for customs is always a nightmare in the Miami airport... It's gonna be a long day.

My trip has been fantastic. I can't complain.. I'm anxious to get home and take care of things. My life has been put on hold for the past 5 weeks while I enjoyed my time over here in paradise. I have to say that my mind is clear and for the first time in a long time I feel focused and ready to make some major changes and decisions. I have a few business projects I'm working on. I'll be in LA for the next week or so to work on that. I've been thinking about purchasing a company, but with the market right now I'm just not sure if it's the right move... Guess I'll have to look at the numbers and think more on it...

I'm watching the news as I write this. I'm so sad for the world. So many killings and bombings, people are inhumane. I'll never understand it. They are talking about the suicide bombers, martyrs. Religion has caused so many deaths, and my mind races with hatred and love at the same time. I can't watch the news anymore without getting emotional about it. I'm amazed at the evil in the world. My life is relatively secure, safe, and in some ways sheltered. I try to let my mind get around the reasoning that these people have for the things that they do, but I'm incapable of understanding ignorance. I can't fathom something in my head making me believe that it's ok to ruin lives.  To make people suffer.

I should stop watching the news when I'm writing. It affects me. Makes my mind lose the spark of happiness that I've strived so hard to keep throughout life.

I'm grateful for my world. I'm the happiest girl I know, and I make decisions to keep it that way. I base my life on the fact that it is what I make of it. And I've made it a life that I'm proud of. One where I surround myself with people who love me, and people I respect.

Now I'll be flying all day. I don't mind it too much. Some of my best thoughts come to me while I'm traveling. Watching people go on their way to destinations for all reasons. I love the mystery in it. Wondering who people are and what their lives entail.  I'll try not to think about the hatred and crime. I'll focus instead on the good in life. The people who love and care for each other the way it was meant to be...

St. Barths

I'm in Paradise. It's one of the most beautiful places I've seen up until now. We took the yacht from Barbados over to St. Maartin. Gorgeous. Now we're in the port in St. Barths. I love it here. People had warned me about the shopping, and I didn't know they would be so accurate. It's amazing, and I don't even enjoy shopping. There are a few other large yachts here next to us. It's a great place to be.

Every day is sunny and warm, and there's a perfect beach just down the road. I spent all afternoon there today with some friends. Everyone is on island time, no rushing around. People don't really have to get into much of a hurry around here.

The food is amazing also. As always. Last night we went to an adorable outdoor restaurant overlooking the sea. The beauty never ends. I'm here with great people, and I feel amazing.  Looks like I only have 4 more days left before I go back home to reality. I haven't been home in 5 weeks now. Guess it's time to have responsibilities now for a while.  I'm planning my next trip back over here for March. I think.

I've obviously been enjoying it. I haven't taken time to blog, or to keep up with my family. Mom is probably worried, and I don't know if Dad even knows I'm out of the country. Being over here for so long is beginning to make me irresponsible. No phone calls, no paperwork, and 100% beautiful relaxation.

Looks like I'll be in LA for a while now when I get home. The LA poker classic starts soon at the Commerce and I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay away from it. That little voice in my head has started telling me to stop relaxing and playing around so much and start worrying about poker a little more. Guess I should listen.

delay from rara avis

I'm in the middle of packing my bags for my flight tomorrow morning out of Nice. I should be in London just in time for lunch. As much as I absolutely love Monaco, I think three weeks of being here is enough. I'm ready to go now. I've run out of things to do and places to see. At least I'll have a change of scenery for tomorrow night. 

My flight out of London leaves at 11am to Barbados Sunday morning. I'm beyond excited. I need a vacation from my vacation. I've packed all of my winter clothes on the bottom of my suitcase so I won't even have to look at them anymore. I need sunshine. I need a tan, preferably without tan lines.

I'm horrible at packing. I bought 5 pairs of shoes and a whole new wardrobe over here, so fitting it all into my luggage is nearly impossible. I've come up with this plan to fit as much as I can, and then zip up the suitcase. If I stand it up and unzip the top I think I can cram some more in as the rest settles... May have to leave a thing or two behind...

I doubt that I'll sleep at all tonight. I can never sleep well if I know I have to be up early to catch a flight. I have a fear of not waking up in time. Being late is one thing that really bothers me. I'm almost always on time, and if I am late it's normally not my fault. I think my driver gets here at 9am. You'd think I could relax cause it's not that early, but I've overslept a time or two and it still upsets me to think about it. Oh, and my room doesn't have a clock in it. Either that or I've just not found it in the 3 weeks I've been here. Who doesn't put a clock in the room? I tried to tell them, but I don't think they understood what I was saying.

Even though I have this amazing trip planned I can't get my mind off of home. Seems like time drags on and on when you've got someone you'd like to see. Talking on the phone and emailing is nice, but there's nothing quite like a hug and a real conversation over a glass of wine after a long absence.  Gives me something to look forward to. Being in paradise is fantastic, but going home is sometimes better. I only have a few friends, which allows me to give my complete attention to the special ones. Those rare people in our lives who make us want to be around, who put the smile on our faces when we wake up. Even if we wake up alone, and half way around the world.  

i'm the fat kid...

People must tire of me always going on about how great my world is. I understand that things won't always be as great as they are at this moment, so I'm taking full advantage while I can. Sometimes I feel like the fat kid in Willy Wonka. I have to taste everything. I love everything. But someday I'll fall into the chocolate lake.  Then I'll drink all of the chocolate and be out of a job cause people won't want a fat chick in a tiny bikini. But then I'd still be happy cause I can eat all the chocolate I want. See, it's a vicious circle. What am I supposed to do? I'm just a happy girl.

I've had the last few days to relax and enjoy my time here in Monaco. I can sleep, I can see the sights, I can walk aimlessly about until I'm back where I started... I've been to three museums, every shopping district available, the beautiful casinos, and the spa more than once.  This is the part of my job that makes me fall in love with it all over again on every trip. My private time. I'm alone about 98% of the time, which is perfect for me. I love to explore things and silently enjoy the moments that someday will only be a distant memory. Yesterday I walked up a beautiful stone stairway next to the ocean. I found the royal palace and a beautiful aquatic museum. Then eventually I found my way back home.

My evenings are normally spent alone in my room. Maybe I sound like I'm a recluse, but it's not that way at all. I love being out in public and enjoying the people and the culture here. But I find that in the evenings I'm more comfortable alone in my room watching a movie and getting some rest. I don't go to any of the clubs or bars. Possibly if I had someone else here to enjoy it with, but for a girl like me to show up alone is like asking for trouble. I don't like trouble. I do like quiet evenings in that involve bubble baths and take out.

I spent today at the salon again. Seems like I'm there a lot, but I have another job coming up and part of my job is to look presentable. I've cut my hair off now. It's short and blonde. I feel like a completely different girl. A little sassier than before. It's been a while since I've been a blonde, so I'm ready to test the old theory on fun. Someone just needs to point me in the right direction... I already have so much fun that I'm afraid any more may spoil me.

I miss my family while I'm away. I missed my brothers birthday party. There wasn't actually a party, but if I had been home there would have been... I feel like I need a clone to take over some of my plans. I need to be in 3 places at once when I finally return to the states. My heart is in one place when my body should be in another place taking care of business. It's tough being me sometimes. Always somewhere to be, something to do... My days never have enough time for all of my adventures. 

how romantic...

I went for a walk in the rain today. It could have been very romantic, but I was all alone.  Walking down the sidewalk in the rain I watched people sharing umbrellas, holding hands in the doorways trying not to get wet, and people sitting in the cafe watching the world outside get drenched. I was amazed at how lonely I suddenly felt. It would have been a perfect situation for a little moment with someone I love. But this wasn't to be, and instead I hurried along back to my hotel. Of course not before stepping into a puddle up to my knee. Not so lovely and romantic anymore... Now I was freezing.

There is just something so nice about rain in a foreign country. I'm pretty sure that all of the people I witnessed out enjoying the rain were not actually from here. They must all be tourists. People never find the rain to be so sweet in their own city. They would rather stay in where it's warm. Over here I find it to be an invitation to go out for a stroll. Back home I find it to be an invitation to stay in California where it doesn't happen...

I got an email today from someone claiming to have 'run across' my web site. I did return the email to ask how they came across it. No solid answer. We spoke briefly about travel and a few things, but it seems like every time I would ask a direct question about why they contacted me, I would get a vague reply.. And then on to another subject to possibly make me forget my original question. This actually happens pretty frequently. I try to reply to most emails, considering they are nice and not from someone who obviously has a problem with manners. But once in a while, like today, I wonder how people find the time? I don't go off randomly emailing people, especially girls who have information posted on their web sites for business purposes. This world is a scary place. I'm learning every day to protect myself more and more. Seems I just can't let my guard down..

But, on the other hand, some people are genuinely interested in how my career is going, or where I'm at. It's nice to hear from people who don't have other motives. Like scaring the hell out of me.  I used to get hate mail from one person who watched my poker show. I found it amusing more than anything because it was harmless. Other than the fact that she hated me.  But for the people who can actually find the time to call my business line and leave creepy messages... I feel so sorry for them that they can't find a business that actually answers the phone.

Rule #1.. Scaring girls is not romantic.                                                                                             

Rule #2.. I'm not retarded. You can't trick me. (even if you have read all of my blogs, obviously, and know details about the things i like..)

Rule #3.. Stop it.

So, that concludes my thoughts for now on things that are good, and things that are bad. Rain with someone you love, or even just like, is good. If you don't step in the puddle.  People being stupid, is bad.  The End.

food for thought...

My body is feeling amazing. I'm eating these wonderful foods, working out like a crazy woman (out of boredom) everyday, and the fresh air makes me want to walk everywhere I go.  The difference in the food over here is really amazing. I'm amazed at how fresh and natural everything is. The government won't allow them to use the preservatives and chemicals that we use in our foods in America. That means that when I buy yogurt it looks absolutely disgusting. The fruit doesn't look perfect. They don't sell protein bars here, either. You're expected to sit down and have a real meal. But when I walk down the street I rarely see anybody with a weight problem. It's a healthy nation.  I know we've done study after study on this, but I'd like to take credit for my ongoing study of how freakin fantastic the food is over here.  Everything in moderation, or my jobs will be in moderation...

Today was just another day as usual. Started off at the day spa. I like the girls who work there. They're all so sweet to me. Sometimes we hit a language barrier. Today she confused the words "exfoliate" and "irrigate".  She wanted to 'irrigate' my face. Hmm, I think not.  From there I went to the fitness center, as always. I love it here. Privacy. Back home there are always a dozen college kids wanting to have social time. Here I don't think there's anyone my age in a 10 mile radius. I like it like that.

Tomorrow I'll get up and do it all over again. Not complaining, of course. I've finally started adjusting to the time difference. I'm sleeping before 5am and waking up before noon. Soon I'll be back home trying to get back into that schedule. Part of traveling, I guess.

I divide my time in the states between 2 homes. One in California and one in the Midwest. Looks like both places have been struck by odd winter storms while I'm away. Am relieved that I'm not there to go through it, but worried for my friends and family. The crazy winter storm in the Midwest took a toll on Moms house and garage. People just don't expect something like that in the middle of winter. Snow, yes. Tornado weather, no. And ice storms and flooding in California?  About a month ago I flew over here to Monaco for another job and the day I left California was the day the big fires started. When I landed here I had a message from Mom asking if I had left my curling iron plugged in...  It wasn't me...  And I don't think I can be blamed for what's goin on this time...

I'm addicted...

...to cereal. It can't be healthy. Even if the box says it's healthy. That's just impossible. I can't actually read the box because it's in French. But it does have a picture of a woman doing yoga on the cover. And yoga is healthy. I guess there are worse things I could be addicted to. Like cookies. That would be worse. But this cereal kinda tastes like cookies, so maybe it's all the same.

I'm still awake, and it's 3am where I'm at. I'm still not adjusting to the time, so I've decided to give up trying. I'll sleep when I'm sleepy, and be awake the rest of the time. Like a normal girl who has nothing better to do. Although I am missing the mornings. I love waking up early and jumping out of bed. I go straight to the kitchen, have some cereal, and then I have a wonderful day. Pretty much every day.

Well, isn't this a perky little blog!?! Seems like I'm just the happiest girl in the world... Again, no complaints here. It's better than me getting on here and bitching about everything and everyone. I know a lot of girls like that. And guys too, I guess. But I just don't have time for it. I actually can't remember the last thing I was upset about.  I just think that if you change the way you look at things, then the things you look at will change.  We all have it inside of us to be happy, in one way or another. Some people just focus in on the wrong thing. 

I'm not saying that bad things never happen to me, or that my life is perfect. I'm just choosing to be happy.  Like when you dance - the purpose is not to get to a certain point on the floor. It's to enjoy every step along the way.   When I wake up in the mornings I think about things like this, as I'm eating my cereal, and then the rest of my day is always OK. Maybe not perfect, but it's another day, and isn't that what we all ask for...

fashion over function.

It rained again today, prompting us to work indoors. Again. It was a really long day, so I was looking forward to my dinner plans with a girlfriend of mine. We planned to meet at 8pm in the lobby. Instead of wearing my usual dress and heels, I opted for a dressed down ensemble of jeans and stilettos. 

We walked to the restaurant. By the time we got there I had almost slipped on the wet sidewalks about a million times, and the bottom of my jeans were soaked. I've never seen such a slick sidewalk. I'm perfectly comfortable walking in stilettos, in snow, on gravel..I can run thru the woods in them (if you watched my Dodge commercial you know what I'm talkin about). But this was a completely different thing.

Dinner was amazing. I had a few glasses of wine, some salmon tartar, and scallops. Oh, and dessert. I splurged. But I've been so good every night that I wanted to reward myself tonight. And if I don't do that now and then I'll end up locking myself in my room for a whole day with a gallon of ice cream and cheeseburgers.   So I think my hefty dinner tonight was well within my comfort range...

Walking home was another challenge. By then the sidewalk had become like a tarp covered in baby oil. Disaster. Almost. I made it home without falling completely down.

I don't have much to do to occupy my time. I've talked to some people from back home, and that helps. I need to hear someone talk to me without the thick accent or I'll forget how it's done.

I'm still trying to study my French. During my lunch today my waiter noticed that I was studying. He told me to say everything to him in French. No English. It was actually quite fun.. He laughed and said something to the other waiters. They came over to listen for a minute. I would look through my book, find out how to say "Can I have the check, please?", and then I would say it to him.  I must have sounded very good because they all kept laughing. I need practice.

So, the saying for today, in English, is:

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're an idiot, than to open it and prove them right."

Au revoir! Bonne nuit...  (  O RuhVWahR .  BuhN NWee)  hahaha

nails and bread.

I set my alarm this morning for the first time during this trip. I woke up just before noon. I missed my 10am hair appointment. So, instead of doing nothing, I decided to have my manicure at this adorable French salon.  I love the salons here because they know just how to make a girl feel right at home..

After taking my umbrella and overcoat, the lady asked if I would like "le cafe". Coffee. Nope. No coffee, thanks. Just a manicure. So as the other lady was removing the previous red nail polish she glanced up at me with a questioning look. Normally this is when you would say which color you prefer. I wanted red. So, I said "red". Just like that. With my little hint of a southern accent.  So, a minute later she brought me some bread. A huge basket of bread. Obviously to go with the coffee I was not having... I'm thinking it was my own fault for not politely referring to it as "rouge".  I could have simply said "la vernis a ongles le rouge" and she would have brought back a red nail polish.  Instead I had to look at all of the yummy carbs staring me down like an idiot.

We had a great time, especially the young French girls working in the salon who got a kick out of the silly American girl with the huge basket of bread. Next thing, time to pay.  Problem; I had wet, beautiful, red nails, and my euros were in the back pocket of my white jeans. So, after realizing the issue, and recognizing that I had a good point, and wasn't pointing at my butt for no good reason, the girl working at the desk obliged and I went on my way.

Living vicariously, indeed...

The rest of my day was a blur. It rained. I took a bus. I took a bath. Went to work. Had dinner. Same thing, different day in paradise. 

So I sit here tonight trying to study a little bit of French for my next adventure.  So far I've only learned how to ask for a glass of red wine. It's not much, but it's a start...

"Je voudrais un verre de vin rouge. Merci!"

I'm starting with the necessities.

naked dreams..

Sometimes we have dreams that we are naked. I think most of us have experienced this, or possibly the dream that you're falling. You wake up with a quick heartbeat, and maybe try to figure out where exactly you are...    I had this feeling today. But I wasn't sleeping. It was during my jog through town. I noticed that people on the street were staring at me with confused looks on their faces. Men, women, children. Like they were stunned. It suddenly dawned on me that I must be doing something wrong, and in this country I'm not sure if running around all bundled up in my gym clothes is considered to be wrong... I literally stopped running for a few seconds and looked down. Everything was normal, as far as I could see. I had my pants on. That was the first thing I checked for. And I had 3 shirts on. Backup over backup. My shoes were tied neatly. And I didn't have anything dangerous in my hands.  So, it must be the fact that women over here don't run around for exercise like I do.

No, I was not running with my arms flailing around like I did when I was 5 years old. I had good form, a good pace, and was completely enjoying myself until I noticed the stares from the nervous onlookers. So, I shrugged it off and kept going.

Maybe the women don't do what I do for exercise. Maybe if they tried it they would see the benefits not only in their body fat content, but also in their psyche. All problems melt away right along with the extra lbs from the amazing food they eat over here. Oh, and the wine...

After my run I came back to my room and thought about the cultural differences over here. I like it. Some of the things I complain about back home have already been solved over here.  Like when I go out for dinner - and I'm not talkin McDonald's - I like to look presentable. I can't stand going to a nice restaurant and seeing people walk in with shorts and baseball hats on. If I can take the time to look nice, I think they can also.  The people here always look amazing, as if they refuse to leave the house until they are well put together. Also, the children over here are very well behaved. It's not unusual to see the kids running along 50 yards in front of the parents while out on a stroll. They know to stay in sight, and the parents are enjoying their quiet time while lagging a ways behind. The other thing is the safety. In this place you cannot walk anywhere in public and be off of the camera. They see everything. I can walk alone at night and know that the police have me in sight. I like that.

Now, if they could just get used to seeing the tall, blond, American girl running through the streets all would be fine in my little world over here. I even tried smiling at some of them, but they stepped away like they were scared I would hold my hand out for a high-five as I passed.

celebration. yippee...

I celebrated New Years here in Monaco last night. I can't complain about the food. It might have been the best food I've ever had... The setting was gorgeous. The thought of being here was great. If you're with people you love. But I'm here with people who don't know me very well. I like them, they're all very sweet.. But there's just something about celebrating the coming year with people who you know deeply. I missed that. Also, last night was sad for me in another way. A year ago I was making decisions for a person who I'm not now. Maybe that's confusing, and a little sad, but I think we all have those thoughts. Some people make resolutions for the coming year. I don't. I think back and try to remember the good times. And try to remember not to make a decision now that the person I am in a year would disagree with.

I slept in today. Till early afternoon. But I couldn't get to sleep until around 5:30am over here. Wide awake. Good thing I bought some good books before this trip. I've almost finished all of them now. I tried calling some people back home last night, but nobody answered their phones. I talked to one friend for a while. That made it a little better. Guess you could say I'm a little homesick. That's unusual for me. I'm never homesick.

I went for a nice run today around the city. It's so beautiful here. Right on the ocean. The wind was a little chilly. A lot of people out walking by the water. I ran for a long time, and when I got back to my place I felt a little sick. Maybe from the thinking, maybe from the cold air. Either way, it's nothing a hot bubble bath can't fix.

Day and night confusion...

I can't believe how stubborn my body is about this time difference. Normally I adjust within the first day or so, but this trip isn't the same. I stay up all night, and sleep all day. Problem is that I kinda have to work sometime. Normally in the evening. So today I took a nap. From about 11am until 5pm. I feel so much better now. And tonight we have to celebrate New Years, so maybe it's good that I caught up on my sleep.

Nothing else exciting going on over here. I didn't even leave the hotel today. Obviously, was sleeping. But my days are off. I can't remember if I'm ahead or behind. Have been sitting here trying to think if my friends back home are celebrating the holiday tonight? Or was it last night?.. Am confused. Guess I could look it up online...

And just about the time I figure all of this out it will be time to go back home. Have to adjust all over again..

Also, there isn't a clock in my room. I find that very odd. First time I've not had a clock in my room. So I keep googling "time in Monaco". Then i know what time it is. Google fixes almost everything. Except for my hair. So I have to go do that now on my own...

long time no blog...

People scare me. For a while I was blogging almost every day. But then strangers started emailing me and calling my personal number. Some of them saying things that weren't very funny. So I stopped blogging, and now they've all found something more productive to do with their time..

I'm back! Life has been really exciting since my last blog. I've been traveling constantly, and working really hard to stay focused. Sometimes living in LA can confuse a girl. One day everyone loves you, the next nobody even remembers who you are.

So I'm spending less and less time there. More time back home with the family, more time overseas working... More Julie time.

Right now I'm in Monaco. It's beautiful here. I woke up with the sunrise this morning, because the time here is 8 hours ahead of the US, and felt like going for an early morning run thru town. But the stupid airline lost my luggage, so my only option was to run naked. With just my boots on. Probably not a good idea in a foreign country. So I went back to sleep.

I have to shoot a little bit this evening. Then I'm having dinner with some friends. The food over here is really amazing. Everything tastes better when you're in the south of France. I just have to remember to enjoy everything in moderation. Especially the tiramisu. At least until my luggage gets here and I can run it off.

step awaaayyy from the champagne

Yesterday I had lunch by the ocean with my favorite friend. She's amazing. We went to the Ivy in Santa Monica, and then for a walk on the promenade. Was supposed to be a relaxing day, but by the end of it we were exhausted. She decided to stay for the evening. Had a beautiful dinner in Hollywood at Dolce. Very romantic. She didn't want to drink, but somehow champagne was involved in our table setting by the end of dinner... Have no idea how that happened... The place wasn't very crowded. The conversation, however, was extremely interesting. We covered everything from relationships to fun things to do in a tanning bed. You'd be amazed at what we could come up with....                              

After dinner we were supposed to hit some of the Emmy after parties, but ended up bored out of our minds. Drove to a couple places, but didn't see anything worth hanging around for.

Had to cancel my photo shoot today.. Had a few things going on that couldn't be rescheduled. Also had to go to the doctor with my friend. That's always fun. I don't mind needles, but I hate the smell of rubber gloves.

Have to go to my acting class tonight. Unless if you've ever been to this class,  you can't imagine the personality overload involved. When I leave after 5 hours of it I just want to sit alone in my car and be silent. I'm not repressed, or depressed, and I wouldn't call myself a "struggling actor"... Most of what I do on camera involves being a personality. And my personality is perky and fun. Not sad and angry. So sometimes I feel bad for being so content with my life, while others are trying so hard to figure it out. They come to class and get their emotions out, crying, screaming. That's tough for me. Not much anger inside...I just don't have time to be unhappy.

And is it too much to ask for the city to change a few rules for me?  Like the trash service... Maybe let em start a little later than 7am... I'm sure the workers would like to sleep in as much as I would. And I don't cause a mini earthquake outside of their home first thing in the morning. Really, I don't ask for much... Am considering running for mayor next  year sometime... 

McQueen for Mayor.

get your popcorn ready...

I just went grocery shopping in Beverly Hills. Standing outside of the store were the most adorable little boy scouts in their uniforms selling popcorn. As I walked by they attacked me. I think they must work on commission here. Back home they were supposed to be sweet, and charming, and ask if you would help em out a lil... Here they're crazy.

So, I ran into the store to escape, and yelled over my shoulder that on my way out I would stop by to donate. Or pay them not to hurt me.. So, keeping my promise, I stopped by the booth on the way to my car. They were all trying to pressure me into buying this enormous box of popcorn for about $100.  Ok, so, I like to donate just as much as the next girl, but what are the boy scouts doing here? Raising their prices? or could it be the sign on my back that says "I won't know the difference."

I picked the small box of popcorn, because I don't really like popcorn. I paid them $30. Could have walked back into the store and paid $4, but these boys were just so cute. And persistent. Then one offered to help me with my bags to my car. Then he wanted a hug. I have to draw the line somewhere... 

exciting friday night...

I spent most of the day yesterday with a girlfriend, doing girl stuff. By the time I got home last night I didn't feel like doing anything. Sure, if the right person was around I may have gone out.. But otherwise I'm content to stay home with a glass of wine. I played some poker online. Did very well. Lately I've been having great luck online. That's kinda what it takes, not as much skill involved online in my opinion. But it does sharpen my skills. Have been working on the mathematical part of my game instead of relying so much on the psychology side...

A friend of mine needed help with an essay for a class, so by the end of the evening I was working on that for her. Not that I mind.. It was a nice break from the poker table, and it gets my mind working a little.

Now I'm multitasking. Am cleaning my home, while playing poker, and working on my business. Figure I should get all of this finished today, cause tomorrow I don't plan on being inside at all... My girlfriend is coming to visit, and I'm sure we'll end up at the beach all day. And out all night... No more staying home alone for me...  

Disappearing act.

I finished a photo shoot with one of my favorite photographers. We're going to start working on a story together. Photos, not words. Photo journalistic style. Right now I think he's looking into some B&Bs up north as the location.

It's been kind of a slow week for me. The days go by so quickly even when I'm doing nothing. My days usually consist of a meeting or two.. But lately I've been stale. I'm hoping to book a shoot next week for a big magazine. I've got to talk to them Monday about the details... Am trying to balance the print work with the hosting work right now. Not sure which I prefer most...

I want to be able to have more entertaining stories to tell, but sometimes I have to hold out some of the specifics. Lately I've been thinking that some people are watching me too closely. Not exactly stalker style, but similar. Gives me an uneasy feeling.

So I've been surrounding myself with my friends and laying low for a while. I have about 5 projects I'm working on right now, so hopefully I'll have a bit of good news soon. Until then I'm incognito.

I've been playing a lot of poker online lately. Been doing really well. It keeps me entertained... I've not been playing much live action. I miss it. Went through almost two months of straight poker every day, and now it's been a few weeks since I've played live. May be heading to Vegas to play a little this month. Not that I couldn't find a good game here in LA, but I hate running into people. It's such a small community in a way. Everyone knows everyone... Possibly a charity tournament coming up, and maybe a home game or two... hopefully.

I'm headed to a small airport tomorrow to fly for a bit. I wanted to go on Tuesday, but I got distracted..  Am going to take most of the day and enjoy it. Not going anywhere in particular.. Just up.

puppies and planes

The past few days have just been crazy. Meetings here and there, running around town. I enjoy these times. I love having somewhere to be.

I'm working on closing a deal right now for a syndicated television show. Big network deal. It's kind of on my shoulders now. My manager put the deal right in front of me, so if I mess it up it's all my doing. I like it this way. I need to be responsible for the successes and losses. Contrary to popular belief, I don't get everything handed to me. Ok, maybe sometime. Good luck seems to follow me around like a puppy.

Speaking of puppy, I want one. I have a fit every time I see someone else with a dog. I'm completely jealous. Am considering moving to a building that will allow me to have a pet.

My personal life is going really great. I love having people around me who make me become a better person. I've always been good at surrounding myself with the best people. Being in LA sometimes makes that difficult. But I'm meeting people now who are really nice. I'm healthy and happy.

I have a photo shoot today. Nothing too huge, but it's work... The weather has been really great here lately, so I'm actually looking forward to it. My last shoot was in the evening, up in Malibu. A little bit chilly. I normally like to have at least 4 days notice before I shoot, but I just found out about this yesterday. No prep time, but I've been really good lately, diet & exercise, so I'm not too worried.

I've scheduled to renew my pilot license on Tuesday. Guess it's been a couple years now, and I have to keep it accurate. Am considering going out of LA for the day to fly around. The weather has been great, and I need the escape. There is something great about the freedom, the loud silence, and the rush I get from being up above the world. All alone. No phone. Nowhere to be. Just me.

i'm a mess

Yesterday I accidentally cut my eyelashes off.  I had gone to the store and bought a new eyelash curler cause mine was old and worn out. Obviously the one I bought was not a good choice. Last night while getting ready to go out I gently put it over my left eye, pressed down, and watched as all of my eyelashes came falling down.

Normally I wouldn't admit this to the world, but I'm thinking it may just be a little obvious for a few weeks. So, now it's all out in the open. So there you have it, I make mistakes. Like buying a new eyelash curler when mine at home is perfectly fine. I'm really quite genius at covering things like this up, so last night nobody even noticed anything was wrong...

I had to go to the chiropractor yesterday. My shoulder is bothering me. Maybe all of the weight lifting over the years is catching up with me... He adjusted every bone in my body, then hooked me up to an electro-shock therapy machine. We shot electricity into my shoulder. I felt kinda giddy afterward.

The locks on my car don't work. Not like I have an old car or anything. It's new, and nice. But the battery must be dead in the key-less entry system. So this morning I sat in my pajamas on the hood of my car parked in the street - and I proceeded to take the whole thing apart. Right there. MacGyver style. Tried everything. Put it back together. Ended up crawling through the open sunroof. Ok, not really. I dropped the key onto the pavement and the doors magically unlocked.

I must sound completely uncivilized.

big vs. small

I eat out often. Sometimes too much. Considering I only eat 1.5 meals a day, eating out once a day means a lot of tough decisions. I would love to be able to walk into a restaurant and order whatever I want, but a constant reminder of what I'm supposed to do surrounds me. Beverly Hills. You wanna go on a diet?.. Go have lunch in Beverly Hills around 1pm. The women there are always tiny, prim, and gorgeous. It will make you cut calories. No question. Of course some people are the exception. I'm sure we all know the ones who just really don't care. You can see the information from the other side here.

No exaggeration, sometimes when I go to lunch there, the waiter actually asks if I'll be having any lunch today. IF. They are so used to us walking in and ordering water with lemon, no solid food for me today..That they actually give us the option to duck out early from looking at the menu.

Starbucks is a big thing now too. You see photos of the girls here walking in and out of starbucks with those big frosty icy yummy drinks. You think they get into their little car and down the whole thing? Or would it make more sense for them to just go to the Starbucks to get the drink (so they'll be photographed today wearing the new outfit they love) and then get into the car, take a few sips, and either give the rest to a friend, or ditch it. You know how many calories these drinks have?? As much as a meal. Starbucks = meal replacement - in my world. You pick. One or the other. Not both. You want a big lovely coffee drink? Or food?

Self professed "big" girls are very funny these days. They get very defensive about the "skinny" girls and they way they eat. I say "they" because I don't consider myself a member. I'm neutral. I'm a fat girl in a skinny girls body. Like if you put Lisa Lamponelli in Gisel's body. That's me. Happy, healthy, indulging, all wrapped up in a 36-25-36, 5'10" package. Don't hate me because I got it all, big girls. I'm one of you, just in a tight little wrapper.

I order my salad with dressing on the side, sure. I do meal replacement, or no meals at all for long periods of time... Sure. But that just means that I'm capitalizing on my finer qualities. Instead of letting my fluffy side show, I'm hiding it behind my six pack and perfect legs. You should be proud of me, big girls, I'm representin!!

Ok, this is a really silly post. But I noticed that "big girls" talk a lot about the "skinny". But the "skinny" never talk openly about the "big girls". Like it's gonna offend them. They know they're big! Either they love being big, or a lot of them are liars. Either way, I thought I would open the door to talking openly about this underground rivalry.

You walk into a room and see a bunch of big girls looking at a Victoria's Secret catalog talking about how the models look sick and disgusting. How they would never want to look like that. Unhealthy.

Then you walk into another room and a bunch of skinny, beautiful girls are gathered around a Lane Bryant catalog.... Silence. Right?   

networking

This is LA. Business is done in the strangest places. I think most of it is handled on the golf course. Since I don't play golf I have to find other places to conduct it. Once I got an audition because someone in line at the DMV had a script that got funded. You just never know.

I have to go to a party tonight. I don't go to dance, and I don't go to meet men... I go to network. If you put yourself in the right place at the right time you can work your way into a lot of great gigs. The thing with this town is that you have to be seen. People have to see you out and about before they get the point that you're recognizable.

I put a lot of effort into my rare appearances. I make myself look good enough that it's striking, but not so over the top that it's fake. This is my goal anyways. Maybe sometimes I go a little far with it. But another great thing about LA is that you can be yourself, nobody cares if you're a little crazy. It's actually recommended here. Normal people don't do so well in the industry. So I try to act like I have an insane side, but it's not always easy for me. I'm the rational one.

Somebody told me once that if I didn't have such high morals that I would already be famous. Maybe I'll try that. Sometime I'm gonna go with the flow. Show up at the right parties, get photographed with the right people, and make up stories about my contractual obligations. If it works I'll thank that somebody who mentioned getting a new strategy.

how to relax

Even though I know how to groom myself, it doesn't mean that I always want to put the effort in. This is the main reason why women like me need to go to the spa now and then. Sure, I could stay home and work on my skin, but why wouldn't I want to lay on my back and let someone else handle it. Someone with soft hands and flowery smelling products. Yummy.  So I went into the medspa and relaxed for a lil bit today.

I also drove all the way to Hollywood to see my chiropractor. He wasn't there. I think chiropractors are like chap stick. You only think you need them because you've been using them. If you quit, cold turkey, I think the body would adjust. I happen to love the feel of the chap stick on my lips, and Dr. Tom pushing on my back. I like these forgivable addictions. I don't really have any non-forgivable things I'm addicted to... So this is good for me.

Tonight I went to the movies. For once I actually liked the movie. Superbad. I know, I know, it's silly... But it was enjoyable to the point of me actually being distracted for a while. I wasn't wondering when it would end so I could bolt. I'm home now. Having wine, salad. Mostly wine.

I may actually have something fun going on tomorrow. I obviously don't accept just any invitation around this town, but a friend of mine is having a birthday party tomorrow night at Area in Hollywood. Am taking a girlfriend with me. Gotta show up for a bit, if for no other reason but to blog about it.

stalker

I've been going back to the gym recently. Stopped going for a while because of a stalker. Ok, not really. I quit so that I could focus on working out in the great outdoors. But now I'm back. And within 20 seconds of walking into the building I had 7 people ask where I went for 4 months. And how on earth I stayed in shape without them. I quickly got myself down to the free weights to start my little routine, and some big walking muscle decided to come over and compliment my "glow". It's not so embarrassing until they walk away and everyone within a 30 ft radius keeps staring with big fat smiles on their faces. Uggghhh. Gross. I just wanna perfect my muscle tone, not chit chat with the meatheads.

So, I play the ice princess when I'm in that building. People probably think I'm a real bitch, but if I don't act like that everyone wants to talk. I think the last straw before I quit going last time was the man who kept writing me poems every day. I'd be on the stair climber and he would walk over and read the latest poem to me. A little creepy.

Here's a little example:

This I've never felt. She smiled and Siberian ice started to melt. Time halted and for an exalted moment we became transcendent. But, business has it's place, and now we must bottle her face, for goodness sakes, and pour it on pancakes.

When some random guy in the gym reads this to you on a piece of paper he just ripped out of a magazine across the room it's perfectly normal, right? I mean, this is what normal, balanced people do. And by normal, balanced people I mean crazy crazy weirdos who stalk girls in the gym.

how girls ruin things

I've had 2 friends in town visiting from Chicago. Really sweet newlyweds. So, she is interested in seeing the celebrity side of LA. Beverly Hills, celeb hot spots... It never impressed me, but I can see the attraction for visitors. We reserved a table at Koi, which always proves a good place to see familiar faces. But before the dinner we had to stop by a girls house for a drink. Cause I guess it's her birthday. Her apartment is completely out of the way, but to be cordial we stopped in. She was already drunk. It was 9pm. Hostess should not be drunk when guests are still arriving. Too much food was put out, and the music was loud for her small place.

Then her boyfriend showed up and they disappeared into the bedroom for a while. Guests still sitting in the living room chatting. Needless to say, we couldn't go to Koi because she wanted to keep the party at home. My girlfriend wanted to get out on the town, and instead we got stuck at this apartment drinking. Left early, without dinner.

I read on perezhilton.com this morning that Britney Spears and some other celebs dined at Koi last night. My out of town guests should be very upset with this other girl who ruined our night.  Hope she isn't reading this. But it's true. Some women always have to have their way, even if it means a negative effect on everyone else. Class & Tact. Some people just weren't born with either.

too sexy for my couch

Yesterday, Friday, was a busy day. And by busy day I mean that I didn't have time to wash my hair. Which is extremely important to me. Sounds crazy, but that's how I like to define a busy day. :)

Have some friends in town, and I'm giving the full blown LA tour. I should charge admission into my car. Went to the beach, had breakfast, rode bikes.. Ended up in Beverly Hills for lunch. Way too much food. Dinner was a Moroccan restaurant in Hollywood. You have to eat with your hands there. I liked it. Messiness is next to something else really great.

I did actually book a good gig yesterday. Had a voicemail when I woke up. Guy has a project he's working on in Malibu next month. Sounds like something I'd like to do.. I really like the days when I actually book something that pays well, and I didn't have to make the first move to get the job. It's better when they come to me.

So, now I'm motivated to get off of my couch and get my bikini body back. Ok, so, I never really lost my bikini body, but that always sounds so motivating when i say it. Like I can pretend that I'm overweight and it's an accomplishment.

I do have to cut back on the alcohol though. Empty calories suck.

getting fat

While I was on my trip to Missouri I ate everything I wanted to. I could understand this if maybe I worked in an office somewhere and didn't have a care in the world when it comes to my appearance.. But I work as a model. I'm supposed to have no body fat, and perfect legs. But nachos and margaritas are so yummy!

I work out almost every day when I'm in LA. But it seems like as I get older this just isn't enough anymore. I've always been very open about my dieting issues. I don't use drugs. I don't make myself throw up. I just can't do it. And worse than that, I eat everything I want to. Then i go on these crash diets. Sometimes I go for 3 or 4 days and only have a couple hundred calories per day.

But fortunately I'm 5'10" tall and the weight just falls right off of me. I also think I'm the only one that notices the extra 4 pounds.

These are my thoughts this morning. First thing when I wake up. As I sit here and eat my yogurt and granola - knowing that later today I just have to be hungry. 

up. down. up. down.

My normal everyday routine to stay in shape?... I run stairs. I run them. Up. Down. Up...you get it... I don't slowly walk them. I run. Then sometimes when i get a burst of energy I run down the street to the other set of stairs and I run them also. I think there are about 170ish stairs total. Feels more like 500 at the time. People should follow a certain etiquette when they are on the stairs though.

Rule #1 - No perfume. No cologne. Please. Makes me wanna choke & fall down the stairs to put myself out of my misery.

Rule#2 - Stop kicking back. I personally don't think this is an effective exercise. Maybe the fitness police will hear me say that and come arrest my little ass... But I just don't see how the kick back thing works. If you want more of a result for your time...Speed up!! Or do some squats when you get to the top. Who cares?.. But seriously the people behind you who want to pass are fearing for their lives.

Rule #3 - When you get to the top, or bottom, Don't stop to catch your breath. This only makes everyone behind you stop and fall into each others sweaty bodies. Nasty! Keep moving! Stretch in the street, fall in the bushes, anything but stopping in the way of your fellow climbers.

Rule #4 - Please stop counting out loud & singing to your invisible ipod. I don't want to hear your version of "umbrella" and I also don't care if you're on stair #97. Be silent. We come here to escape the gym. The loud, obnoxious machines, people, and music blaring from the speakers. I'm here to listen to the wind, and myself hyperventilate.

Rule #5 - Stop trying to pick up a date for tonight. No, I don't want to hang at Katana. I don't care if it's your friends birthday party. I'm here to walk up and down these stairs. Sure, I do this so my ass looks fantastic, but that doesn't mean I want you looking at it. It's for my own viewing pleasure.

So, there you have it. My rules for the stairs. It's really the greatest workout that I've found. Only downside is that you have to share with all of the other faithful believers. The smelly, loud, rude, horny, stair climbing believers. Ok, maybe not all of us are all of those things. I'd say 2 out of 4 most times....

allow me to introduce myself...

My name is Julie McQueen. I've earned the right to speak freely because I've worked my supermodel butt off to get here. Some people think that life is easy and simple for me because I caught all of the good genes, and people fall over themselves to be near me.. But let me tell you, it's not what they think...

From an early age I had kind of a difficult time with life. My upbringing was different - to say the least. But I survived. I moved out of my home at an early age and started working like crazy to survive. I began as a photographer, then I started my own agency. When I sold the agency I had built it up to be pretty huge. Needless to say, I've had a few other fun careers since those days. I hope nobody is offended by me saying this, but my favorite just may have been the big game hunting. I worked for some of the hunting companies, and they would pay me to advertise their products. So I hunted. Then I got paid. Simple as that. A girl has to do what she has to do.

Somehow I've ended up in California. Los Angeles. Not that I'm trying to brag, but my life is pretty fantastic. I get perks like nobody else I've ever known, and every day is an adventure. Sometimes people think I'm making stuff up as I go, but when your life is like mine you don't have to do that...

Yes, I have my pilot license. People see it on my resume and ask me. Like it's really something I would make up! I have been known to fly myself to wherever it is I need to go. Lips aren't the only thing Jolie and I have in common...

In advance, please excuse my sometimes harsh sense of humor. And once in a while I become a little sarcastic. I'll try to not offend people, but if you're offended by my life, then there's something wrong with yours.

And another thing: I don't see myself as better than or more special than anybody else out there. I've simply put myself into situations that some people would find impossible. I squirm my way into places, and sometimes it's difficult to squeeze back out. So I'll share these experiences with anybody who's brave/bored enough to listen.

Oh, and please feel free to drop me a note on your thoughts, feelings, what you're wearing, and anything else I might want to know.  Try to refrain from getting drunk and leaving comments, becaue it only makes me jealous...