living vicariously

St. Barths

I'm in Paradise. It's one of the most beautiful places I've seen up until now. We took the yacht from Barbados over to St. Maartin. Gorgeous. Now we're in the port in St. Barths. I love it here. People had warned me about the shopping, and I didn't know they would be so accurate. It's amazing, and I don't even enjoy shopping. There are a few other large yachts here next to us. It's a great place to be.

Every day is sunny and warm, and there's a perfect beach just down the road. I spent all afternoon there today with some friends. Everyone is on island time, no rushing around. People don't really have to get into much of a hurry around here.

The food is amazing also. As always. Last night we went to an adorable outdoor restaurant overlooking the sea. The beauty never ends. I'm here with great people, and I feel amazing.  Looks like I only have 4 more days left before I go back home to reality. I haven't been home in 5 weeks now. Guess it's time to have responsibilities now for a while.  I'm planning my next trip back over here for March. I think.

I've obviously been enjoying it. I haven't taken time to blog, or to keep up with my family. Mom is probably worried, and I don't know if Dad even knows I'm out of the country. Being over here for so long is beginning to make me irresponsible. No phone calls, no paperwork, and 100% beautiful relaxation.

Looks like I'll be in LA for a while now when I get home. The LA poker classic starts soon at the Commerce and I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay away from it. That little voice in my head has started telling me to stop relaxing and playing around so much and start worrying about poker a little more. Guess I should listen.

delay from rara avis

I'm in the middle of packing my bags for my flight tomorrow morning out of Nice. I should be in London just in time for lunch. As much as I absolutely love Monaco, I think three weeks of being here is enough. I'm ready to go now. I've run out of things to do and places to see. At least I'll have a change of scenery for tomorrow night. 

My flight out of London leaves at 11am to Barbados Sunday morning. I'm beyond excited. I need a vacation from my vacation. I've packed all of my winter clothes on the bottom of my suitcase so I won't even have to look at them anymore. I need sunshine. I need a tan, preferably without tan lines.

I'm horrible at packing. I bought 5 pairs of shoes and a whole new wardrobe over here, so fitting it all into my luggage is nearly impossible. I've come up with this plan to fit as much as I can, and then zip up the suitcase. If I stand it up and unzip the top I think I can cram some more in as the rest settles... May have to leave a thing or two behind...

I doubt that I'll sleep at all tonight. I can never sleep well if I know I have to be up early to catch a flight. I have a fear of not waking up in time. Being late is one thing that really bothers me. I'm almost always on time, and if I am late it's normally not my fault. I think my driver gets here at 9am. You'd think I could relax cause it's not that early, but I've overslept a time or two and it still upsets me to think about it. Oh, and my room doesn't have a clock in it. Either that or I've just not found it in the 3 weeks I've been here. Who doesn't put a clock in the room? I tried to tell them, but I don't think they understood what I was saying.

Even though I have this amazing trip planned I can't get my mind off of home. Seems like time drags on and on when you've got someone you'd like to see. Talking on the phone and emailing is nice, but there's nothing quite like a hug and a real conversation over a glass of wine after a long absence.  Gives me something to look forward to. Being in paradise is fantastic, but going home is sometimes better. I only have a few friends, which allows me to give my complete attention to the special ones. Those rare people in our lives who make us want to be around, who put the smile on our faces when we wake up. Even if we wake up alone, and half way around the world.  

i'm the fat kid...

People must tire of me always going on about how great my world is. I understand that things won't always be as great as they are at this moment, so I'm taking full advantage while I can. Sometimes I feel like the fat kid in Willy Wonka. I have to taste everything. I love everything. But someday I'll fall into the chocolate lake.  Then I'll drink all of the chocolate and be out of a job cause people won't want a fat chick in a tiny bikini. But then I'd still be happy cause I can eat all the chocolate I want. See, it's a vicious circle. What am I supposed to do? I'm just a happy girl.

I've had the last few days to relax and enjoy my time here in Monaco. I can sleep, I can see the sights, I can walk aimlessly about until I'm back where I started... I've been to three museums, every shopping district available, the beautiful casinos, and the spa more than once.  This is the part of my job that makes me fall in love with it all over again on every trip. My private time. I'm alone about 98% of the time, which is perfect for me. I love to explore things and silently enjoy the moments that someday will only be a distant memory. Yesterday I walked up a beautiful stone stairway next to the ocean. I found the royal palace and a beautiful aquatic museum. Then eventually I found my way back home.

My evenings are normally spent alone in my room. Maybe I sound like I'm a recluse, but it's not that way at all. I love being out in public and enjoying the people and the culture here. But I find that in the evenings I'm more comfortable alone in my room watching a movie and getting some rest. I don't go to any of the clubs or bars. Possibly if I had someone else here to enjoy it with, but for a girl like me to show up alone is like asking for trouble. I don't like trouble. I do like quiet evenings in that involve bubble baths and take out.

I spent today at the salon again. Seems like I'm there a lot, but I have another job coming up and part of my job is to look presentable. I've cut my hair off now. It's short and blonde. I feel like a completely different girl. A little sassier than before. It's been a while since I've been a blonde, so I'm ready to test the old theory on fun. Someone just needs to point me in the right direction... I already have so much fun that I'm afraid any more may spoil me.

I miss my family while I'm away. I missed my brothers birthday party. There wasn't actually a party, but if I had been home there would have been... I feel like I need a clone to take over some of my plans. I need to be in 3 places at once when I finally return to the states. My heart is in one place when my body should be in another place taking care of business. It's tough being me sometimes. Always somewhere to be, something to do... My days never have enough time for all of my adventures. 

how romantic...

I went for a walk in the rain today. It could have been very romantic, but I was all alone.  Walking down the sidewalk in the rain I watched people sharing umbrellas, holding hands in the doorways trying not to get wet, and people sitting in the cafe watching the world outside get drenched. I was amazed at how lonely I suddenly felt. It would have been a perfect situation for a little moment with someone I love. But this wasn't to be, and instead I hurried along back to my hotel. Of course not before stepping into a puddle up to my knee. Not so lovely and romantic anymore... Now I was freezing.

There is just something so nice about rain in a foreign country. I'm pretty sure that all of the people I witnessed out enjoying the rain were not actually from here. They must all be tourists. People never find the rain to be so sweet in their own city. They would rather stay in where it's warm. Over here I find it to be an invitation to go out for a stroll. Back home I find it to be an invitation to stay in California where it doesn't happen...

I got an email today from someone claiming to have 'run across' my web site. I did return the email to ask how they came across it. No solid answer. We spoke briefly about travel and a few things, but it seems like every time I would ask a direct question about why they contacted me, I would get a vague reply.. And then on to another subject to possibly make me forget my original question. This actually happens pretty frequently. I try to reply to most emails, considering they are nice and not from someone who obviously has a problem with manners. But once in a while, like today, I wonder how people find the time? I don't go off randomly emailing people, especially girls who have information posted on their web sites for business purposes. This world is a scary place. I'm learning every day to protect myself more and more. Seems I just can't let my guard down..

But, on the other hand, some people are genuinely interested in how my career is going, or where I'm at. It's nice to hear from people who don't have other motives. Like scaring the hell out of me.  I used to get hate mail from one person who watched my poker show. I found it amusing more than anything because it was harmless. Other than the fact that she hated me.  But for the people who can actually find the time to call my business line and leave creepy messages... I feel so sorry for them that they can't find a business that actually answers the phone.

Rule #1.. Scaring girls is not romantic.                                                                                             

Rule #2.. I'm not retarded. You can't trick me. (even if you have read all of my blogs, obviously, and know details about the things i like..)

Rule #3.. Stop it.

So, that concludes my thoughts for now on things that are good, and things that are bad. Rain with someone you love, or even just like, is good. If you don't step in the puddle.  People being stupid, is bad.  The End.

food for thought...

My body is feeling amazing. I'm eating these wonderful foods, working out like a crazy woman (out of boredom) everyday, and the fresh air makes me want to walk everywhere I go.  The difference in the food over here is really amazing. I'm amazed at how fresh and natural everything is. The government won't allow them to use the preservatives and chemicals that we use in our foods in America. That means that when I buy yogurt it looks absolutely disgusting. The fruit doesn't look perfect. They don't sell protein bars here, either. You're expected to sit down and have a real meal. But when I walk down the street I rarely see anybody with a weight problem. It's a healthy nation.  I know we've done study after study on this, but I'd like to take credit for my ongoing study of how freakin fantastic the food is over here.  Everything in moderation, or my jobs will be in moderation...

Today was just another day as usual. Started off at the day spa. I like the girls who work there. They're all so sweet to me. Sometimes we hit a language barrier. Today she confused the words "exfoliate" and "irrigate".  She wanted to 'irrigate' my face. Hmm, I think not.  From there I went to the fitness center, as always. I love it here. Privacy. Back home there are always a dozen college kids wanting to have social time. Here I don't think there's anyone my age in a 10 mile radius. I like it like that.

Tomorrow I'll get up and do it all over again. Not complaining, of course. I've finally started adjusting to the time difference. I'm sleeping before 5am and waking up before noon. Soon I'll be back home trying to get back into that schedule. Part of traveling, I guess.

I divide my time in the states between 2 homes. One in California and one in the Midwest. Looks like both places have been struck by odd winter storms while I'm away. Am relieved that I'm not there to go through it, but worried for my friends and family. The crazy winter storm in the Midwest took a toll on Moms house and garage. People just don't expect something like that in the middle of winter. Snow, yes. Tornado weather, no. And ice storms and flooding in California?  About a month ago I flew over here to Monaco for another job and the day I left California was the day the big fires started. When I landed here I had a message from Mom asking if I had left my curling iron plugged in...  It wasn't me...  And I don't think I can be blamed for what's goin on this time...

I'm addicted...

...to cereal. It can't be healthy. Even if the box says it's healthy. That's just impossible. I can't actually read the box because it's in French. But it does have a picture of a woman doing yoga on the cover. And yoga is healthy. I guess there are worse things I could be addicted to. Like cookies. That would be worse. But this cereal kinda tastes like cookies, so maybe it's all the same.

I'm still awake, and it's 3am where I'm at. I'm still not adjusting to the time, so I've decided to give up trying. I'll sleep when I'm sleepy, and be awake the rest of the time. Like a normal girl who has nothing better to do. Although I am missing the mornings. I love waking up early and jumping out of bed. I go straight to the kitchen, have some cereal, and then I have a wonderful day. Pretty much every day.

Well, isn't this a perky little blog!?! Seems like I'm just the happiest girl in the world... Again, no complaints here. It's better than me getting on here and bitching about everything and everyone. I know a lot of girls like that. And guys too, I guess. But I just don't have time for it. I actually can't remember the last thing I was upset about.  I just think that if you change the way you look at things, then the things you look at will change.  We all have it inside of us to be happy, in one way or another. Some people just focus in on the wrong thing. 

I'm not saying that bad things never happen to me, or that my life is perfect. I'm just choosing to be happy.  Like when you dance - the purpose is not to get to a certain point on the floor. It's to enjoy every step along the way.   When I wake up in the mornings I think about things like this, as I'm eating my cereal, and then the rest of my day is always OK. Maybe not perfect, but it's another day, and isn't that what we all ask for...

fashion over function.

It rained again today, prompting us to work indoors. Again. It was a really long day, so I was looking forward to my dinner plans with a girlfriend of mine. We planned to meet at 8pm in the lobby. Instead of wearing my usual dress and heels, I opted for a dressed down ensemble of jeans and stilettos. 

We walked to the restaurant. By the time we got there I had almost slipped on the wet sidewalks about a million times, and the bottom of my jeans were soaked. I've never seen such a slick sidewalk. I'm perfectly comfortable walking in stilettos, in snow, on gravel..I can run thru the woods in them (if you watched my Dodge commercial you know what I'm talkin about). But this was a completely different thing.

Dinner was amazing. I had a few glasses of wine, some salmon tartar, and scallops. Oh, and dessert. I splurged. But I've been so good every night that I wanted to reward myself tonight. And if I don't do that now and then I'll end up locking myself in my room for a whole day with a gallon of ice cream and cheeseburgers.   So I think my hefty dinner tonight was well within my comfort range...

Walking home was another challenge. By then the sidewalk had become like a tarp covered in baby oil. Disaster. Almost. I made it home without falling completely down.

I don't have much to do to occupy my time. I've talked to some people from back home, and that helps. I need to hear someone talk to me without the thick accent or I'll forget how it's done.

I'm still trying to study my French. During my lunch today my waiter noticed that I was studying. He told me to say everything to him in French. No English. It was actually quite fun.. He laughed and said something to the other waiters. They came over to listen for a minute. I would look through my book, find out how to say "Can I have the check, please?", and then I would say it to him.  I must have sounded very good because they all kept laughing. I need practice.

So, the saying for today, in English, is:

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're an idiot, than to open it and prove them right."

Au revoir! Bonne nuit...  (  O RuhVWahR .  BuhN NWee)  hahaha

nails and bread.

I set my alarm this morning for the first time during this trip. I woke up just before noon. I missed my 10am hair appointment. So, instead of doing nothing, I decided to have my manicure at this adorable French salon.  I love the salons here because they know just how to make a girl feel right at home..

After taking my umbrella and overcoat, the lady asked if I would like "le cafe". Coffee. Nope. No coffee, thanks. Just a manicure. So as the other lady was removing the previous red nail polish she glanced up at me with a questioning look. Normally this is when you would say which color you prefer. I wanted red. So, I said "red". Just like that. With my little hint of a southern accent.  So, a minute later she brought me some bread. A huge basket of bread. Obviously to go with the coffee I was not having... I'm thinking it was my own fault for not politely referring to it as "rouge".  I could have simply said "la vernis a ongles le rouge" and she would have brought back a red nail polish.  Instead I had to look at all of the yummy carbs staring me down like an idiot.

We had a great time, especially the young French girls working in the salon who got a kick out of the silly American girl with the huge basket of bread. Next thing, time to pay.  Problem; I had wet, beautiful, red nails, and my euros were in the back pocket of my white jeans. So, after realizing the issue, and recognizing that I had a good point, and wasn't pointing at my butt for no good reason, the girl working at the desk obliged and I went on my way.

Living vicariously, indeed...

The rest of my day was a blur. It rained. I took a bus. I took a bath. Went to work. Had dinner. Same thing, different day in paradise. 

So I sit here tonight trying to study a little bit of French for my next adventure.  So far I've only learned how to ask for a glass of red wine. It's not much, but it's a start...

"Je voudrais un verre de vin rouge. Merci!"

I'm starting with the necessities.

naked dreams..

Sometimes we have dreams that we are naked. I think most of us have experienced this, or possibly the dream that you're falling. You wake up with a quick heartbeat, and maybe try to figure out where exactly you are...    I had this feeling today. But I wasn't sleeping. It was during my jog through town. I noticed that people on the street were staring at me with confused looks on their faces. Men, women, children. Like they were stunned. It suddenly dawned on me that I must be doing something wrong, and in this country I'm not sure if running around all bundled up in my gym clothes is considered to be wrong... I literally stopped running for a few seconds and looked down. Everything was normal, as far as I could see. I had my pants on. That was the first thing I checked for. And I had 3 shirts on. Backup over backup. My shoes were tied neatly. And I didn't have anything dangerous in my hands.  So, it must be the fact that women over here don't run around for exercise like I do.

No, I was not running with my arms flailing around like I did when I was 5 years old. I had good form, a good pace, and was completely enjoying myself until I noticed the stares from the nervous onlookers. So, I shrugged it off and kept going.

Maybe the women don't do what I do for exercise. Maybe if they tried it they would see the benefits not only in their body fat content, but also in their psyche. All problems melt away right along with the extra lbs from the amazing food they eat over here. Oh, and the wine...

After my run I came back to my room and thought about the cultural differences over here. I like it. Some of the things I complain about back home have already been solved over here.  Like when I go out for dinner - and I'm not talkin McDonald's - I like to look presentable. I can't stand going to a nice restaurant and seeing people walk in with shorts and baseball hats on. If I can take the time to look nice, I think they can also.  The people here always look amazing, as if they refuse to leave the house until they are well put together. Also, the children over here are very well behaved. It's not unusual to see the kids running along 50 yards in front of the parents while out on a stroll. They know to stay in sight, and the parents are enjoying their quiet time while lagging a ways behind. The other thing is the safety. In this place you cannot walk anywhere in public and be off of the camera. They see everything. I can walk alone at night and know that the police have me in sight. I like that.

Now, if they could just get used to seeing the tall, blond, American girl running through the streets all would be fine in my little world over here. I even tried smiling at some of them, but they stepped away like they were scared I would hold my hand out for a high-five as I passed.

celebration. yippee...

I celebrated New Years here in Monaco last night. I can't complain about the food. It might have been the best food I've ever had... The setting was gorgeous. The thought of being here was great. If you're with people you love. But I'm here with people who don't know me very well. I like them, they're all very sweet.. But there's just something about celebrating the coming year with people who you know deeply. I missed that. Also, last night was sad for me in another way. A year ago I was making decisions for a person who I'm not now. Maybe that's confusing, and a little sad, but I think we all have those thoughts. Some people make resolutions for the coming year. I don't. I think back and try to remember the good times. And try to remember not to make a decision now that the person I am in a year would disagree with.

I slept in today. Till early afternoon. But I couldn't get to sleep until around 5:30am over here. Wide awake. Good thing I bought some good books before this trip. I've almost finished all of them now. I tried calling some people back home last night, but nobody answered their phones. I talked to one friend for a while. That made it a little better. Guess you could say I'm a little homesick. That's unusual for me. I'm never homesick.

I went for a nice run today around the city. It's so beautiful here. Right on the ocean. The wind was a little chilly. A lot of people out walking by the water. I ran for a long time, and when I got back to my place I felt a little sick. Maybe from the thinking, maybe from the cold air. Either way, it's nothing a hot bubble bath can't fix.